The vocation to marriage is a profound mystery, a “great sign” as St. Paul describes in his letter to the Ephesians, representing the union between Christ and His Church. However, in our contemporary African context, we often witness a pastoral delay: we wait until a couple is standing at the threshold of the rectory with a wedding date before we begin the serious work of formation. As a shepherd of souls, I contend that this is a strategic error. Preparation for the “intimate partnership of life and love,” as Gaudium et Spes (n. 48) defines marriage, must begin long before a life partner is found. It must be a journey of the heart that commences while the soul is still single, undistracted by the immediate emotional pressures of an impending ceremony.
The Church’s Magisterium has long advocated for this gradual approach. In his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Pope St. John Paul II outlined three stages of marriage preparation: remote, proximate, and immediate. Remote preparation begins in childhood, but it is in the “proximate” stage—during the years of singlehood—that the young person must internalize the “anthropological, theological, and spiritual” foundations of the sacrament. If we wait until a partner is already chosen, we are often merely “repairing” a relationship rather than “building” a vocation. We must teach our singles that marriage is not merely a social contract but a divine call to holiness.
Furthermore, Pope Francis, in Amoris Laetitia, emphasizes that “preparation for the sacrament… should not be seen only as a course but as a path of faith” (n. 207). This path cannot be hurried. When we rush the formation of singles only after they have found a partner, we risk giving them a superficial understanding of the “conjugal covenant.” By teaching them early, we allow the grace of the Holy Spirit to prune their characters, refine their virtues, and prepare them for the sacrificial nature of love. A single person who understands the theology of the body is far better equipped to choose a partner based on spiritual compatibility rather than fleeting sentiment.
There is a pressing need to rescue our youth from the “culture of the ephemeral” that the Holy Father often warns against. Many young Catholics are being formed by secular media and modern ideologies that view marriage as a temporary arrangement. To counter this, we must provide a robust “evangelization of the single heart.” We must teach them the beauty of indissolubility and the dignity of human procreation while they are still in their season of waiting. This early education acts as a spiritual armor, shielding them from the “wolves” of relativism that distort the true meaning of Christian love.
This is precisely why the Ten Talents Initiative for Catholic Singles was born. It is not merely a social gathering; it is a response to the Church’s call for a more profound and extended period of proximate preparation. We recognize that the search for a spouse should not be a frantic, isolated endeavor, but a communal experience grounded in faith. Our initiative serves as a “school of love” where the primary textbook is the Gospel and the Catechism, and the classroom is a vibrant community of peers.
One of the central aims of the Ten Talents Initiative is to avail young people of an extended period to truly digest what the Church says about marriage. We believe that by creating a consistent space for learning—far removed from the stress of a three-month pre-wedding course—we allow the teachings of the Church to sink into the marrow of their bones. Here, the “domestic church” is built in the mind and heart long before it is built in a physical home. We provide the theological tools for discerning God’s will, ensuring that when they do choose a partner, they do so with “eyes wide open and hearts fully prepared.”
Beyond the academic and spiritual formation, we recognize the human need for fellowship. In our sprawling urban centers like Lagos and Abuja, it is becoming increasingly difficult for devoted Catholics to meet like-minded believers. The Ten Talents Initiative provides a safe, sanctified environment for young people to meet, interact, and build genuine friendships. By bringing singles together under the mantle of the Church, we ensure that their initial attractions are sparked by shared values and a common love for Christ.
It is our hope that within this community, “deep calls unto deep.” When relationships begin within a framework of shared catechesis, they have a higher probability of success. A couple that meets while learning about the sacramental nature of marriage is a couple that will build their future home on rock rather than sand. We are not just helping people find “partners”; we are helping them find fellow pilgrims who understand that the goal of marriage is to help each other get to Heaven.
As a priest, I am convinced that the crisis of broken homes can be mitigated by the quality of preparation we give to our singles today. If we empower them with knowledge and a supportive community now, we are essentially investing in the stability of the next generation of the Church. The Ten Talents Initiative is a testament to our belief that the youth are not a problem to be solved, but a garden to be nurtured. We cherish their desire for love and we honor it by giving them the best formation possible.
Let us, therefore, support these young men and women in their season of singlehood. Let us encourage them to utilize this time to “trade” with their talents—both human and spiritual—so that when the Master calls them to the vocation of marriage, they may enter into the joy of their Lord with a spouse by their side. Through the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth, may our Catholic singles find in the Church a mother who teaches them how to love and a home where their vocations can truly flourish. Amen..
A couple that meets while learning about the sacramental nature of marriage is a couple that will build their future home on rock rather than sand. We are not just helping people find “partners”; we are helping them find fellow pilgrims who understand that the goal of marriage is to help each other get to Heaven.
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